So reporter Sarah Lacy now does some Internet tech TV show with Henry Blodget and some other dude with a bad haircut and the two dudes were raving about iPhone and how great it will be once we ship this SDK and some connectivity to enterprise apps like Microsoft Exchange — and then along comes Sarah to rain on the parade and say the virtual keyboard on iPhone sucks and that all her hipster friends in San Francisco who bought iPhones early on are now dumping them. She says it’s cool but not functional. Money quote: “I’m sorry, Steve Jobs, I know you love not having buttons but until you have a real keyboard I will never ever ever ever use it.” See the video here.

Well here’s the thing. I know I should be angry at Sarah Lacy. Because let’s face it. She’s a total dumbass, and she’s obnoxious, and she’s totally in love with herself, and she’s almost always wrong. Nevertheless, I find myself unable to hate her. Larry says he has the same reaction to her.

See, there’s just these two things you notice about Sarah right away when you meet her. They’re right there in front of you, just staring at you, and you can’t look away from them and you find yourself watching them roll from side to side and getting hypnotized by them and just agreeing with anything she says.

I’m talking, of course, about her eyes. They’re just so big and round and heavy and beautiful and juicy, just so plump and ripe like they’re going to burst, and she totally plays them up and draws attention to them because she knows how gorgeous and hypnotic they are. Damn you, Sarah Lacy and your big, round, beautiful eyes.