Bowing to international pressure, I have agreed to open talks with the Dalai Lama

Okay so I read the comments on my Dalai Lama post yesterday. You freaks get all sentimental over this stuff don’t you? I mean it’s okay to make fun of the pope, or Jerry Falwell, or Richard Stallman — but man oh man don’t you dare make a joke about the Dalai Lama. Anyway we were facing a situation internally here at Apple, where roughly 80% of employees are devout Buddhists. The freaks in marketing were circulating a petition calling for a work stoppage and a hunger-strike-slash-sit-in at the Infinite Loop campus. Design guys were threatening to join, and they were trying to get the engineers on board but couldn’t find them because they were all out eating crabs and drinking beer and playing “target practice” on the new soap cakes with the Microsoft logos in the urinals at BJ’s.

Anyway, we had a situation. Katie and Phil came in and said I had to act. So Katie wrote an open letter to the staff and put my name on it and we calmed things down. And now I’m going to talk to the Big D. and see what I can do to help him out. But like I told Katie, if the guy makes even a peep about us building iPods in sweatshops in China, I am going to hang up. I swear I’ll do it. I mean I’m glad to help out and try to intervene with the Chinese authorities, and it’s true I have some pull with those guys. But business is business. We need those sweatshops. Now I have to go meditate and do some non-thinking to prepare myself for the call. Peace out.