We’ll be covering CES

As you probably know, the Consumer Electronics Show begins tomorrow in Las Vegas, kicking off with a big keynote by the Beastmaster where I’m guessing he will talk about all the new ways in which Microsoft hopes to add extra layers of frustration to people’s lives by turning ordinary everyday experiences like making phone calls and watching television into annoying, confusing processes that require you to integrate multiple unreliable and incompatible digital devices into a Frankenstein system that needs a dozen different remote conrols (each one bigger and uglier than the others, with a zillion tiny buttons) and which freezes, hangs and crashes without warning. Or something.

Anyway I wouldn’t be caught dead at this clusterfuck, partly because of the crowds but mostly because exposure to all that inferior technology makes me physically ill. Even twice-a-day high colonics is not enough to flush the toxins from my system.

But we do need to keep an eye what’s happening out there. So as usual we’re sending a team of operatives. Moshe Hishkill, our director of intelligence and security, will be in Vegas with a team of his guys. We’re also sending Johnny Poison, one of our veteran PR flacks, a guy who’s been with us for more than a decade and who is so skilled at communications and public relations that no one in the Valley press corps has ever seen him, met him, spoken to him, or even heard of him. Inside the PR department at Apple there is no higher praise.

I’ve given them permission to post to the blog and share their reports to me with you, my readers. I’ll also be posting, but perhaps only sporadically as I’m going into full-bore Jesus-in-the-desert mode in preparation for Macworld. The new guys are listed as contributors in the sidebar, and you should feel free to send them email. They probably won’t respond or acknowledge you in any way because hey, we’re Apple and you’re not. But send it along anyway. Peace out.