This is not the real keynote outline

Maybe you’ve seen stories like this one from TechCrunch about the keynote outline that got “leaked” onto Wikipedia. Please. It’s not even close. But as fakes go, it’s a good one. Tip of the cap to Katie for fueling the media frenzy.

Must run. My colorist, Annalisa, is here. Then I’m off for my spearmint high colonic followed by a ninety-minute massage and seaweed wrap, an hour of yoga, an hour of meditation with my roshi, a final pre-keynote meal of miso soup and two spoonfuls of organic honey from Tibet, and a good’s night sleep in my transportable float tank, which is already waiting for me deep inside the Moscone Center. Peace out, Apple faithful. See you in the morning when I’ll be blowing your minds.