See this appalling story from BusinessWeek in which some guy says he’s identified the 10 key things that make my speeches so amazing. He says frigtards can simply apply these 10 lessons and start giving speeches just like mine. Well, not so fast, there, frigtards. First of all, Mark Zuckerberg has been trying for years, and he’s even hired my trainers and consultants, and he still can’t do it. Also, the list provided in the article leaves out some really important stuff, like the high colonics, the meditation, the beard colorist, the neuro-linguistic programming trigger words and the hypnosis. Yeah. But other than that he’s pretty close.