Attention all conference attendees — due to a scheduling conflict we’ve had to push today’s ritual mass suicide up to 3 p.m. instead of 4 p.m. as it is listed in your program. Please take note of this and plan accordingly if you intend to participate. The doors will close exactly at 3 p.m. and latecomers will not be admitted. Suicidants are advised to remove all watches and jewelry before arriving, and to wear comfortable, loose-fitting clothes. White robes not required, but they definitely add to the experience. Kool-Aid and body bags will be provided by Apple.