My old back injury is flaring up again, and it’s all Hillary Clinton’s fault

I’ve been a little out of it lately. An old back injury has flared up and I’ve been in incredible pain despite thrice-a-day yoga workouts with Jony Ive (above) and Connie, our yoga instructor. Milton, my herbalist and chiropractic practitioner, checked me out this morning and says he thinks it’s a slipped disc, but Jeanie Falcone, my karmic repatterning journeywork therapist, says it’s a response to some of the bad vibes stirred up by the recent hostilities in the Democratic primary.

Mostly it’s been the race-baiting by the Clintstones which really upsets me because I have this huge personal commitment to diversity plus conflict in general really upsets me because I’m super Zen and super sensitive and Jeanie says I shouldn’t even be paying attention to politics because it’s all about negative energy and it drains my chi. She’s right, but I got so drawn in by Obama and then so upset by what the Clintstones are doing to him and I know I shouldn’t watch the debate tonight but I’m going to anyway because I won’t be able to stay away.

Anyway this has all resulted in some incredible spasms in my lower back which left me unable to work for these past few days. My apologies.