Segway polo! Broadcast live! With Woz!

See the Engadget story here. Woz and his loser friends are going to play Segway polo, and other losers are going to watch it live over the interwebs. The whole thing is so sad it almost makes me want to cry. I mean can you imagine the audience for this? Who are these people? Is there any sporting event that’s less compelling? Golf, maybe. Or the WNBA. That shit scares me, honestly. No idea why it’s on TV. But I digress.

The thing is, poor Woz is really hurting. He called me last night, crying, saying Kathy Griffin is mean to him and he’s pretty sure she’s going to dump him, or maybe she already has dumped him and he just doesn’t know it. I’m not sure exactly what she said to him that was so mean. He told me, but by then I’d put the phone down and was doing some stretches on the floor while he rambled.

Then I got back on the line and told him everything was going to be okay, and life is good, and he’s a lucky guy, we both are — it’s what I always tell him — and then I asked him some questions about some imaginary circuit design for a product that we’re not really making, and I told him our guys were just totally stuck and what did he think, did he have any ideas for how to solve this thing. That cheered him right up and he started going on and on about what we should do and throwing around all these terms I don’t even understand, and once I knew he was okay and wasn’t going to tie cement blocks to his ankles and jump into his pool I said I had a call on the other line and had to go but could he come in and talk to our engineers sometime, and he sniffed and said he’d do that and he’d like to work on a project again. After we hung up I called over to the Imaginary Product team and told them Woz would probably be stopping by and if so they should humor him and hear him out and maybe let him work on one of our fake product prototypes.

Peace out, Woz. You big old bear. I love you, man. And regarding this Kathy Griffin thing? Listen. You dodged a bullet. She’s not worth it, dude. Not at all. You deserve so much better. And if playing Segway polo and broadcasting it live on the Web is your way of grieving and letting go and moving on, then go for it. You big nut.