Just got torn away from a dinner party to have a chat with my lawyer. (It still feels weird to say “my lawyer.” I’ve never had a lawyer before. Except for that peyote incident when I was in college, and that was a public defender.) Anyway. I’m feeling better because my guy got in touch with someone a level above the bonehead who wrote me those stupid letters, and he was able to find out what the three supposedly “actionable” items are, and they’re ridiculous.

First one is the one where I predicted that iPhone would have only one button while on an ayahuasca trip with Sting in the Amazon rain forest. Sure, I wrote this in September 2006 and the one-button iPhone was introduced a few months later, in January 2007. They’re alleging my blog post was based on a leak and that it amounts to me printing trade secrets. Words fail me.

Second one was in October 2007 when I hinted about a forthcoming iPhone SDK. Same claim as above. Trade secrets. Equally crazy.

Third was in May 2007 when I said there would be new hardware announced at the WWDC in June. Seemed like a pretty safe guess to me at the time. They’re claiming I had sources.

So, yeah. We’re feeling pretty good. My lawyer, in fact, was laughing when he told me this. He’s like, Hey, go back to your dinner party. But by then I was home and didn’t feel like going out again.

Other news from my guy is that Apple’s team still wants to propose a cash-for-shutdown offer, but they only want to make the offer in person and they want the two of us to fly out to Cupertino. I was like, Dude, if these fuckers want a sitdown they can fly their fat lawyer asses out here to me, and what’s more, tell them they gotta be here Monday, at 4 p.m., and I’ll give them fifteen minutes to make their proposal. That way even if they turn around and fly right back it still fucks up their Christmas Eve.

My guy says no way will they agree to that. My feeling is hey, let’s see how bad they want to shut this baby down. Especially since we now realize their big “claims” are bullshit. More as this develops. Talk about roller-coaster days. Well I’ve got to go wrap some presents.