Brent Schlender is back kissing my ass again

See here. Apparently Fortune magazine now believes I’m the most powerful person in the universe. Funny right? I mean only recently these guys were beavering away on a hatchet job about me, claiming I should be put in prison or something. And as I pointed out recently, Brent has been attacking our products like crazy lately.

But now suddenly the hacks at Fortune have turned into my biggest fans again. Money quote from Brent: “That’s five industries that Jobs has upended – computers, Hollywood, music, retailing, and wireless phones. … At this moment, no one has more influence over a broader swath of business than Jobs.”

As always, Katie did a great job on the article and Brent ran it pretty much word for word the way we sent it. Katie even ginned up a quote from me which I’ll reprint here with my own translation spliced into it:

“We don’t think in terms of power,” says Jobs. (Translation: We don’t have to, we friggin own your asses already, you little bitches, and nobody in tech can touch us. Plus we are all about the humility.) “We think about creating new innovative products that will surprise and delight our customers. (So shut the fuck up and start feeling delighted.) Happy and loyal customers are what give Apple its ‘power.’ (Also the fact that I can have any one of you killed just by making a single phone call. Remember that.) At the heart of it, though, we simply try to make great products that we want for ourselves, and hope that customers will love them as much as we do. (And we know they will because we tell them exactly what to love and exactly how much to love it, and they always do exactly what we tell them. Still amazes us, honestly.) And I think after all these years we’ve gotten pretty decent at it.”