No kidding. He got invited to do this global warming fund-raising event. It’s one of those charity auction things where celebrities donate something and muggles bid for it. Like, lunch with Leo DiCaprio, or socks worn by Al Gore or whatever. So they write Woz a letter asking him what he’ll donate. He sends back the form: “Free mustache rides.”

The sad thing is he really thinks this is clever. He says he got the idea from an old T-shirt he found while he was cleaning his house. My bet is that Kathy Griffin put him up to it. One big flaw that I pointed out is that if the rides are free then he’s not going to make any money to give to charity. He says no, the free rides will actually cost whatever people are willing to bid, with a lowest-available price of a hundred bucks. “It’s like Linux,” he says. “It’s free as in freedom, not free as in beer.”

Whatever. I pointed out to Woz that now even Perez Hilton is making fun of him. Woz said he saw that and he thought it was great. He says Kathy Griffin’s publicist sent the photo to Perez Hilton with a payment of one thousand dollars. And they’re shopping around an idea for a reality show. Poor Woz. He really believes he’s this huge celebrity. Even though he couldn’t get anyone to pay $100,000 to buy his El Camino and have lunch with him. Now he’s dating a TV star and he doesn’t realize that she’s doing this as a form of performance art. Honestly, my heart aches for the guy. (Photo: Burt Hammer, Redbook.)