This Britney business is not helping us sell iPhones

See here. Celebrity iPhone user Britney Spears has once again been snapped displaying her kootch. Go to the link, click on the photos and the little star is removed. I’m warning you though — don’t do this if you hope to ever have an appetite ever again in your entire friggin life. Goddamn that is one scary va-jay-jay.

Meanwhile this is just a nightmare for us too. I just called my PR and advertising team in here and screamed at them for ever having the crazy idea of putting an iPhone in this woman’s hands. We had our pick of celebs who were willing to be photographed carrying iPhones in public and most of them didn’t even want to be paid; they just wanted the damn phone. That’s how good it is. And these were smart public intellectual type celebrities. I’m talking about Al Gore, Malcolm Gladwell, Barbra Streisand, George Clooney, Kanye West. Instead they went out and hit up idiots like Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. And Britney Spears. Who overslept today and missed her child custody hearing. I am not making this up. Britney, we are sending someone to pick up your iPhone. And don’t bother hiding or pretending you’re not home. Because we’ll brick the damn thing on you. I swear to God we will.