I think this must be the scariest blog in the world. Or the saddest. Much love to Rob for sending in the link. See here. Some kid from London Business School wants to “shadow” me as part of some B school assignment. He really believes that if he just keeps writing this blog and leaning on any connections he can find that eventually I’ll be shamed into letting him follow me around so he can learn how I operate. Groan. First of all, kid, I have no shame. Second, you’ve already made the biggest mistake you ever could have made. No, not attempting to correspond with the Great and Powerful Jobs without official permission, though that indeed is a very grave offense. No, your biggest mistake is simply this: You’re in fucking business school.

Good God, man. Could there be anything less creative, less imaginative, less valuable than going to business school? Is there any surer way to become an absolute conformist frigtard than to spend two years being coddled and pampered and fed worthless pablum by failed businesspeople? The mind reels. And don’t think you’re all super cool and extra special just because you’re in a “programme” instead of a program. My theory is that education in general only serves to clog your creativity and shut down your brain. I imagine the brain is like this giant honeycomb, with all these open cells, but every class you take just fills some of those holes and seals them shut. Getting an MBA is like going back and double-sealing those doors with cement.

Business school dude, listen up. Forget shadowing me. You’ll never be like me, because I’m one of a kind. I came out and they broke the mold. But if you want to learn how I operate, do the following. Quit business school. Go work at some shitty electronics company and learn how to source components. Travel to India and seek enlightenment. Grow your hair down to your ass. Take LSD. Smoke pot. Live on a commune. Sell your van and start a company. Put yourself in danger. Create a situation where if you fail you’ll be unable to pay your rent and you’ll be out on the street. Struggle to make payroll. Get screwed by suppliers. Learn to screw them back. Bounce checks. Run out of money. Go hungry. Be scared.

Ready? Good. Start today.