Larry’s in Los Angeles, "working from home" today

He called this morning, says he knows he should get back to the Valley to deal with this BEA situation, but he figures Chuck Phillips has things under control and if things really get rough they’ll send Safra Catz over to stomp on Alfred Chuang’s nuts until he gives in. It’s a technique she’s perfected on Oracle sales VPs. So far nobody has ever lasted more than 30 seconds. Meanwhile Larry has the following report from Los Angeles:

“Bill is out of fucking control. Short and simple. We ended up going to Vegas yesterday — his idea — and now we’re back here in Malibu and I don’t think the guy has slept since I got here. You know he’s an old friend and I love him. Heck I gave the guy more money than he even asked for, and he asks for a lot. But he’s gone off the rails. Retirement has not been good for him. I was sort of afraid of this. I mean if a guy’s banging interns under his desk when he’s the president, what do you think is gonna happen when he’s got no job at all? But it’s worse than I thought. Sure, he’s hitting models left and right, high-class girls from LA and New York. Fair enough. But it’s not just that. He’s hitting anything that moves. Waitresses at TGI Friday’s, girls behind the counter at McDonald’s. If you’re female and can fog a mirror and weigh less than two hundred and fifty pounds, he’s on you. He went after the staff down here in the house. Then there’s the coke. And the weed. Don’t get me started. He needs help, to be honest. God help Hillary if she makes it through the primary into the general election. I can’t believe the Republifascists don’t have a huge dossier on this guy already. They gotta be following him and watching him right? And who knows whether half these girls he’s nailing aren’t actually operatives? Or at least they’ll want to sell their stories to the tabloids. You know what Bill says about all that? He says he doesn’t care if it all comes out, and neither does Hillary. Says she’ll just spin it to her advantage, play the aggrieved wife again, and Bill will do his contrition act with the big puppy dog eyes, and they’ll make the Republicans look like a bunch of big scolding hypocritical phonies who think it’s their business to snoop into other people’s personal lives. Says they’ll line up the Times Magazine to do a big story where they look all flawed and human and in need of redemption. Then spin a trashier version in People and US Weekly. Bill says it’s brilliant but I’m not so sure. Anyway, I gotta go. We’re all going to do peyote then lie on massage tables and have Japanese girls massage our feet. Back atcha later.”