Woz wants me to be his best man

He called me up last night all excited. All these stories (see here ) about Woz being engaged to the comedy lady are true. All I can say is this is classic Woz. Guy goes on a first date and brings a diamond ring and the keys to his house. He’s like a big goofy dog sometimes. You know the old joke about what does a lesbian bring to a second date? A U-Haul? That’s Woz. I mean he’s been married like eleven times already. Most of them were dissolved within two weeks. I personally have attended at least five of his weddings.

So I told him to get a grip, maybe slow down a bit, get to know this woman. He says he already knows her from watching her on TV and he knows that she’s perfect for him and sure enough when they met they just talked and talked and talked for hours and they stayed up all night and she even likes the same movies as Woz and the same food and everything and he really wants me to be his best man and they’re going to have this huge wedding in Hawaii with all sorts of celebrities and movie stars and it’s going to be just so great and this time he knows it’s going to work out.

So what could I do? I said, Sure thing, pal. Sure thing. You let me know what time and what to wear. I’ll be there in jeans and a black turtleneck, two hours late. He says they’re looking a couple dates next week but he’s not sure and he’ll have to get back to me. (Photo: Rosa Minge, US Weekly.)