Dear early iPhone adopters: Yeah, we fucked you

Sorry, but it’s true. We baited you in with a high price (the one thing no Apple fanboy can resist) and sure enough you fell for it just like we knew you would. But hey, you iTards were the ones lining up and camping out for a week to get a phone even though there was no shortage of them. You were the ones raving about what a bargain the phone was at $600 and how you’d gladly have paid more. Who can blame us for taking advantage of you? Anyway, please consider something: This price cut is actually all your fault. If more of you had purchased these things at the $600 price point, we wouldn’t need to mark them down, would we? Come on, Apple faithful. Think. You let us down big time on this one. Not as badly as you’ve let us down on Apple TV, but still. We put a mass market luxury product out there, with innovative user interface technology and more hype than the friggin first man on the moon, and still you failed to come through for us. Now you’re whining about a rebate? Or a free copy of Leopard? At this point I’m not sure you deserve Leopard, not at any price.

Anyway, it’s been a pretty good week. We’re screwing everyone in sight. We screwed you. We screwed AT&T. We screwed NBC. Man oh man. I feel like Ron Jeremy. Or is it Bill Gates? If we make it to the end of this week without angry picketers chanting outside our campus I’ll be shocked. Peace out, suckas. (Photo by Jozef Merkin, courtesy of Cosmopolitan.)