Okay. I know I told you to buy at $140 and now we’re at $131, and maybe you’re a little angry at El Jobso this morning. I understand that, baby. But listen. You have to trust me here. If we don’t have trust, how can we have a relationship? You know I love you, right? You know I’d never lie to you. Now I know you may not want to hear what I’m about to say, but let me speak. What I want to tell you is this: The new low price represents another buying opportunity. Even bigger than the last one. Yesterday’s nine-dollar plunge is based on nothing more than some bad rumors that Jerry York is spreading so he can scoop up shares before the big announcement next week. He and Kirk Kerkorian are holed up in Kirk’s Dr. Evil-style underground lair in Las Vegas, and they’re quietly amassing shares, using shell companies and fronts in the Cayman Islands. Kirk made a big short bet at $145, drove down the stock with a rumor about us missing our numbers and then another rumor about iPhone sales sucking wind, made a killing, and now is pumping all his profits back into the stock for another killing on the upside.

Listen to me. When the world sees the new iMacs on Tuesday they are going to be stunned. I mean friggin amazed. Jaws on the floor. And the stock is going to pop like a Roman candle.