Squirrel Boy’s visit

So someone spotted Eric sneaking into Apple HQ and now I’m getting all this mail from people asking what we were talking about. Katie Cotton says I should give the usual answer, the one we give to shareholders, federal investigators, and filthy hacks alike: Fuck you. But I’m really getting into this spirit of radical transparency and I know Eric is all about that too. Just look at how he manages his AdSense program. Total transparency. At least on Google’s end.

Anyhoo. Here’s what we did. We started out with lunch, which was Kobe pears that I have specially flown in from Japan on the Jobs Jet. These pears are in season right now and you have to eat them within twenty-four hours after they’re picked or you miss most of the experience. I also flew in a special chef who knows how to prepare them, a guy named Mr. Yamamoto, which maybe seems excessive except when you realize these pears cost two hundred bucks each and there’s no point in eating them unless they’re prepared correctly. Yamamoto-san uses a special knife and slices them so thin you can hold up each slice and see through it. They’re super filling. I ate one and was just stuffed. For dessert we had mugs of hot water with lemon. Overkill, I know, but Squirrel Boy likes to live large.

After lunch we did some digestion yoga and then hung upside down in our gravity boots and tried to think about where the Web is going and how our companies can work together. But for some reason we were just blocked. In my case I think my stomach was working overtime trying to digest that pear. We said things like, “Unh, Web 2.0, and Web 3.0, and apps over the Internet, computing in the cloud, maybe an OS that runs on the Web, do more stuff in a browser, but you still need intelligence on the desktop, or maybe you could make a thin client that works with the cloud, or do more on mobile devices, and we should open up the wireless system, and there’s all this disruption coming, we should make a list of industries that are going to be disrupted and how we can take advantage of that, and maybe Google makes a back-end system using some of our user interface technology and unh, yeah, okay.”

I’ll be honest. None of us has a clue about where any of this stuff is headed. Then again, we never do. We just pretend. Somehow it all works out in the end. I have no idea how, or why. But it does.