Okay. So I told Little Fake Stevie I’d sit in for him a couple days while he gets his chakras aligned or whatever it is he does when he isn’t babbling on about the iPod or whatever other toy he’s paid some schmo to invent and then takes credit for.

Don’t get me wrong: I love LFS. He’s my buddy. My brother in arms. There’s no one I’d rather be in a foxhole with. With a good water cannon at the ready and plenty of frigtard targets. That’s one Buddhist with a killer instinct.

Anyway, back to this little blog. Sure. Fake Larry can be blogger guy for a week or so as long as it doesn’t interfere with the training sessions for the next-gen America’s Cup crew.

Jesus. That brings up some bad memories. Seriously boys, you call that debacle racing? They’re lucky I just pulled that shitbag captain off the wheel and didn’t keel haul him. If there hadn’t been so many cameras there’s no telling what lessons would have been imparted. The beauty of big-time sailing is anything goes in international waters. If you get my meaning.

But I digress. As you’ve probably guessed,I’m LFS’s bud Fake Larry Ellison. As LFS might say, I’m the guy who screwed IBM out of its own database business with its own technology. It was a beautiful thing. I invented Oracle. Maybe you’ve heard of it.

And as for those other asshats who claim they co-founded Oracle: they can go pound sand, as we used to say in Chicago. Of course I would never say that now, now that I’m all Zen and samarai like. Not it’s like: “Bygones.”

So here’s your blog kids. I gotta go do important stuff now. Like pretend to care about databases and Oracle World Shanghai or some shit.

In reality I have to review the “little woman’s” latest chapters. You can’t be too careful about what gets out there.