Oh please oh please oh please

There’s bad talk going around town that papa had three outside children and another wife — and that Microsoft is going to buy RIM. And that ain’t right. New company name? Anyone? Bueller? MicroRIM? RIMsoft? Dear Buddha I hope this deal happens. If there’s any way to make RIM an even worse competitor for us it would be for them to put Windows Mobile on their machines. Ye gods! I can’t believe our good luck. I’m going to run down the hall to the Tassajara meditation room and try to will the merger into reality. There’s nothing like seeing two old-guard companies, scared by a changing market and chased by sexier, younger rivals, desperately try to get back into the spotlight by hooking up. Like when Flavor Flav and Brigitte Nielsen started dating. “Strange Love,” I believe they called it. So would this be.

Another thing. Let me make a prediction. If this deal does happen, let me tell you how the press will play it. They’ll make a big deal about how the two biggest strongest players are hooking up to kill Apple. Or how Apple now faces this huge formidable rival. Let me just point this out. When companies start merging in order to compete with you — and let’s be honest, that’s what this would be about — it means you’ve already won.

(Photo credits: Steve Ballmer by Charles Milf, Channel 9 News Service; Jim Balsillie by Duncan Choad, Toronto Star.)