Meanwhile, iPhone is saving lives

Oh but don’t expect the folks at User Centric to give us any credit for this, right? I mean, fire away, frigtards, but we’re just going to keep doing what we’re doing, restoring a sense of childlike wonder to the lives of people around the world, and oh, by the way, that’s right — keeping people alive, too. See here. Some old dude was playing golf and got hit by an errant shot but luckily he had an iPhone in his pocket. Personally I’ve never played golf and I refuse to even consider playing golf because I think golf is an offensive, elitist game that wastes valuable natural resources so that rich old dudes (primarily white) can keep themselves occupied so they don’t have time to look into their souls and realize what evil, exploitative, racist, sexist, able-ist, classist bigots they truly are. Wars, famine, global warming, the oppression of women — all your fault, old golfer dudes. But hey, you’ve got better things to worry about, right? Like whether some gizmo could add twenty yards to your drive, or help your short game; or whether your opponent should be allowed to take a mulligan, whatever that is. You make me sick, old white men. But hey, I’m glad you’re buying iPhones, and I’m even glad that they’re saving your meaningless, white-male-oppressor lives. But no, you can’t get a free replacement. Sorry.