Just remember: If it’s nae Apple, it’s crap

Well our first store in Scotland opens tomorrow morning at 9 a.m. sharp in Glasgow and the crazy Scottish computer hooligans are already preparing for a wee frenzy with lots of head butting and flag waving and angry songs and chanting and taunting between the Mac faithful and their dreaded rivals, the Windows fans. (Shurely Celtic and Rangers? Ed.) See a story about it and a photo of the store here. Most excited of all are long-suffering members of the Glasgow Macintosh Users Group (GlasMUG) (website here) who have vowed to take to the streets wearing their team’s colors (black scarf, black turtleneck, blue jeans and white trainers) singing “Flower of Scotland” and carrying iPods and looking for Zune users (easy to spot, dressed in brown) to beat up. Personally I saw this coming ages ago and for years I’ve fought against the idea of opening a store in Scotland. Anyway, I got overruled. Glasgowians, in the immortal words of your great writer Jeff Torrington: Swing your hammers, and let’s see what happens.

All joking aside: Scots, I know you’re a restless and angry people at heart, but let’s try to keep it peaceful, bokay? It’s what our brand is about. We’re all about peace and love and staying Zen. Negative people upset us. But if you can get in a few kicks on some filthy bastard Microsoft fans, and nobody sees you, well, no harm no foul as they say, and you will, in fact, be restoring a sense of childlike wonder to my life. Namaste.