Nick Wingfield of the Wall Street Journal (above, in stylish eyewear) continues to have a sicko man crush on me and now has done another doozy on El Jobso. If you haven’t seen this morning’s Wall Street Journal, be sure to go get one. It’s a collector’s item. (BTW the photo above reminds me of a joke. Q. What’s a Journal reporter’s favorite wine? A. “Rupert’s buying our paper, waaaaah!” Fair enough. It works better out loud than in print. Try it and see.) Meanwhile I can provide you a taste of his gross article here. They’ve made an entire Page One story out of the fact that I allegedly do not like buttons and that this was why we made the iPhone look the way it does. Like, I wear turtlenecks — no buttons! Gasp! Nick Wingnuts figured this out all by himself and pitched it to his editor and some bonehead in New York actually considered this to be a profound revelation about me and Apple and the world and the meaning of life, even though nobody from Apple would talk to them for the story and the few quotes they had were mostly anonymous and the story itself is totally pointless.

Steve Jobs favors minimalism in his designs. This is news? To whom? Or maybe they just wanted an excuse to put my face on their front page, in order to boost circulation. Honestly, Wall Street Journal, why don’t you just write the words STEVE JOBS STEVE JOBS STEVE JOBS all around the edges of every page? Wouldn’t that help you sell copies too? Or you could change the name of your newspaper to The Steve Jobs Wall Street Journal, or Steve’s Wall Street Journal. I’m going to call Rupert and suggest it. You could have a different celebrity CEO “sponsor” every week. It’ll go great with your new tabloid format.

Not to be a dick but Katie Cotton informs me that this is the same Nick Wingfield who’s had a hard-on for me over the options stuff and has been writing all those slanted, biased, unfair articles basically calling me a crook. Now he wants to be pals and say what great design taste I have so he can get a story onto A1 and look like he’s Mr. Silicon Valley who knows all about tech. Friends in the press, that’s not how things work out here. You want to get us to talk to you, you have to promise to only say nice things. (For an example of how to bend over gracefully and court us the right way, see Fortune magazine.) Meanwhile, Nick, I’m holding up three fingers, and I’d suggest you read between the lines.