Hey, Apple retail: Which part of `no skanks’ did you not understand?

Jesus. Now Lindsay Lohan is flashing something shiny and slippery again only this time it’s a friggin iPhone. Trust me, heads are rolling in the Apple retail division today. We spent huge amounts of time on this. We had a weight limit, an age limit, and a list of famous people who were not allowed to have one. Jonathan Franzen, Michael Chabon, Michael Lewis, David Hockney, Damien Hirst, Christo, Martin Amis, Kazuo Ishiguro, Harold Pinter, Francis Bacon — fine, yes, please, of course. Harvey Weinstein, Michael Eisner, Yoko Ono, Britney Spears, K-Fed — absolutely not, for fuck’s sake. This is a classy device meant for discerning and intelligent people who know enough to demand the best. And look, Ron Johnson, don’t try telling me that Lohan had someone else buy it for her. I don’t care. This photo was exactly what we anticipated in our war game planning and it’s devastating. It undermines our entire image. Look at those shorts, for God’s sake.