Isn’t it just like Woz to show up and try to steal the spotlight from me on my big day? He’s like the ex-girlfriend who shows up at the wedding dressed in a really hot sexy red dress, trying to take attention away from the bride. Fair enough. Apple geeks love Woz better than me. Always have. So of course he can’t resist showing up on iPhone day to steal some of the love that was supposed to be aimed entirely at me. Plus, and this is really sad, Woz just thrives on the adulation and can’t get enough of it. It’s almost a sickness, the way he needs it.

First he went out telling everyone he invented the Mac. As if. Then he lifts my brand name and calls his book iWoz. Then he comes sniffing around looking for a free iPhone. Forget it, Captain Segway. Look. You did some nice work — back in the seventies. To put it another way, the last time you did any real work, Styx was still selling out arenas. Bokay? Since then you’ve been coasting on my jet stream. Around here we’re taking bets about how long it will be before Woz claims he invented the iPhone. I say less than a year.