No guff. Our intelligence team did some digging around, snooping through phone records and email accounts, and they managed to find out the truth. It was obvious to us that this guy couldn’t be buying an iPhone for himself. At first we thought maybe some rich dude had hired him to wait on line. But then we read the Vwag scoop about these cases where Microsoft has been secretly funneling money into “spokesbloggers” like Om Malik (nice scoop, by the way) and we realized what they were doing. What better way to pee on the iPhone than to plant some stupid frigtard right at the front of the line so he gets interviewed and photographed and publicized everywhere? What better way to get back at us for the “I’m a Mac” ads? I can almost hear Beastmaster Bill sniggering in his office. Apparently this was dreamed up by the folks at Waggener Edstrom and carried out in such a way that there’s no paper trail. Well played, you evil bastards. Hope you’re paying this guy a fortune. No doubt he’ll get on the Today show and he’ll try to turn the spot into a free ad for Windows Mobile — maybe he’ll say something about how you can get all the same features in a Windows Mobile phone that only costs a hundred bucks. Whatever. It’s not going to derail the iPhone, so knock yourselves out.