Does anyone in Eastern Europe know how to reach Prince Toto Bouba?

Naturally I’m getting bombarded with email requests from people who know me (and people who don’t) asking for an iPhone. Everyone in Hollywood has had their assistants calling up to make inquiries. Paris Hilton’s people offered to have her carry one when she left jail, and flash it so that the paparazzi could see it. (We declined, politely.) Meanwhile I just got this letter from Prince Toto Bouba of Angola. He’s a little vague, in the way royalty people usually are. They’ll never come straight out and ask you for something. (You should see the letters from Wills and Harry. The spelling mistakes; the loopy, childish handwriting — God they remind me of their mother.) Anyway, I’m pretty sure Toto Bouba is the dude I met at Cannes a few months ago when I was partying with Bono and Graydon Carter. He seems to want an iPhone and I’ll send him one if I can get his address. I guess he just assumes that everyone knows how to send mail to a prince. Or maybe it’s bad form for royalty to put their return address in a letter or something. Ja’Red is trying to find it but he also says he’s never heard of Toto Bouba and that as far as he knows Angola stopped having royalty after the collapse of the Austro-Hungarian Empire or maybe it was the Hapsburgs, he’s not sure. If any of you know how to reach Prince Toto Bouba, let me know. Or Toto, if you’re reading this, send in your address. Here’s the letter:


My name Prince Toto Bouba I am from Luanda Norte in the Central district of Angola. I am contacting you for partnership in a very confidential financial transaction that involves the transfer and receivership of some deposit.

This deposit came from private mining of diamond in our region which represent the major deposit of diamonds in my country. Coupled with the rebels activities which are sponsored by illegitimate sales of diamonds to foreign companies.

Presently the Government forces are occupying our regions which has forced us the locals out of the country in search of lucrative business outside our shores for investment purposes. Your immediate response will be appreciated as time is of essence. Details will be given to you when you respond. Please include your direct phone number.


Toto Bouba