One day after they get busted by the SEC for misleading shareholders we find out they’re now in hot water with the IRS because they’re using some dodgy tax scheme to skip out on paying $1.6 billion in taxes. That’s billion with a B. See here. Jesus. How can it get worse? Next we’ll find out that these masters of innovation are borrowing billions and taking on debt to buy back their shares, in effect using their balance sheet to goose their EPS. Or we’ll hear that they sold supercomputers to our enemies to help them build nuclear weapons. Or maybe we’ll hear that they caused birth defects in kids and cancer in workers.

Yes, IBM, you are truly a great American company. And I’m a criminal who must be put in jail because of $20 million in backdated options that I never exercised. Riiiight.