Meet one Greg Packer. He’s first in line at the store on Fifth Avenue in New York and believes that, because of this, he will be first to buy an iPhone. Not so fast, loser. As I’ve pointed out before, we’re setting standards this time about who can buy iPhones, based on status, personal appearance, income, and general level of coolness. How far down the list are you? Put it this way. You will not be getting an iPhone until everyone else in the world who wants one has one. Like, Osama Bin Laden will be using Google maps to find a seafood restaurant in Kandahar before you see yours.

In case you think I’m making this guy up, see his pathetic blog, which includes his email address and phone number which are:

Email: grego11743@hotmail.com

Mobile phone: 631.291.2603.

Now I’m not saying you should call this guy and harass him for hurting our image and tell him he’s a moron; I’m not saying you should call him so often that his cell phone battery dies; I’m not saying you should prank call him and tell him your friend is in line and doesn’t have a phone and you need to get an urgent message to him right away and could he give a shout down the line to Mike Hunt; and then call back and ask for Dick Hertz and Hugh Jerection and Al Kaholic. I’m not saying you should do this. I’m really not. Bokay? I mean just because he’s enough of a frigtard to put his phone number up on the Web doesn’t mean it’s cool to mess with him. But if you do cal him, make sure you record it and send me a copy.