Who’s yer da?

Amazing story. This is going to be in all the papers soon so I might as well break it here first. Bono has had a child with an African woman. She was trying to hit him up for support money and threatening to go to the press. There’s no way to keep it under wraps forever so now Bono figures he’ll try to spin it to his favor by making make a big deal of it and maybe going on Oprah. He called me today after emailing me photos (taken by The Edge, by the way) and he’s all excited and shouting and having a big drunken party. Says he thinks the kid looks just like him. “Steve,” he says, “didja get the pictures I sent ya? Isn’t he sumfin? We’re naming him Barry. Man oh man. I’m over the moon, Steve. I’m here with me little man right now and I’m tellin ya, he’s dead fookin brilliant, mate.” Then he starts crooning to the kid, “One love, one life,” and the poor kid starts screaming crying. Note the proud grandmother in the background. The whole family will be moving to Dublin soon, I’m told. Mrs. Bono could not be reached for comment.