Meet Michael Wang. Soon to be Wong. He’s one of the dicks in the San Francisco U.S. Attorney’s office, and he’s got a total hard-on for yours truly. He’s young, and wound super tight in the way that only Asian dudes can be. Like if he’d ever got less than a 100 on a test in college he would have killed himself. Unfortunately this never occurred, so he lived to go on to law school and now gets to torment me.

See a story about him here. They make a big deal out of what an “animal” he is. Which is true. He’s kind of a marmoset, I’d say. But no worries. El Jobso has a few animals of his own on his legal team, including one guy who only works undercover, off the record, not for attribution. Jerry York lined him up. Not going to say what he does for us, but put it this way: The Gambino family keeps him on permanent retainer.

By the way the stuff in the story about Wang planning to change his name to Wong is true. It’s the first thing our “Attorney X” turned up when he started doing his background work. Apparently Michael pronounces “Wang” so that it rhymes with “Wong” but people have always mispronounced it and called him “wang” as in “rhymes with rang.” And he really, really does not like the wang jokes, which he endured all through Harvard Law School. Well, ever since we learned this we’ve made a point to call him “wang” (as in “rang”). We also say, “Dang!” a lot. And we have our paralegals come to meetings with him wearing iPods that are cranked up load enough so everyone can hear them, and we’ll have them listening to the classic “Wang Dang Sweet Poontang” and “Wango Tango” by the Nuge or “Everybody Have Fun Tonight” by Wang Chung.

He never says anything. But he knows we’re doing it on purpose. And it drives the friggin kid nuts, I swear.