It’s earnings day and everybody’s jumpy. See here.

I know what you’re wondering. Should I sell everything right now? Or are you guys going to blow out your numbers, in which case I’ll go load up on Apple shares. Well, it’s against the law for me to tell you. That at least is what Peter Oppenheimer and the frigtarded lawyers keep saying. Then again, when have I ever listened to lawyers, right? And why start now?

My advice: Buy. Buy, buy, buy. Don’t ever bet against El Jobso. Apple is the Sony of the 21st century. Our stock, like our products, is designed to restore a sense of childlike wonder to your life. Get some for your grandkids. And then you know what? Don’t listen to our earnings call today. Don’t read the earnings report. Don’t do anything. Just put those shares away someplace safe and forget about them. Come back in ten years and be prepared to smile.