The Squirrel Boy rumor

Apparently there is this rumor going around the Valley that the reason we brought Eric Schmidt onto our board is so that he can step up and be CEO if I have to step down during this SEC investigation into the options stuff. I just want to say, this is totally not true. And even if I do have to step down it will only be temporary. But I’m pretty sure I’m not going to have to. We’re really working hard to get this whole thing settled and put away. You can’t believe the crap that Nancy Pelosi is putting me through, however. That lady gets your balls in a vise and friggin squeezes, let me tell ya. Free use of the JobsJet, iPods and iMacs for her nine hundred grandchildren, donations (cash only, in suitcases) to the Pelosi Library. I mean who even knew this crazy dame even had a friggin library?

Anyway, have no fear. Squirrel Boy is not going to be running Apple. At least not yet. And not permanently. I think. Um, okay. Peace out.