And she’s acting all Zen and saying she’s been praying for my soul and she’s so glad that my Apple and “the real Apple,” as she calls it, have been able to make peace. “I know this is what John would have wanted,” she says. “He was all about peace. And making peace. Not war. But peace. Yes. That was John’s way. And so it is mine as well.” And I’m sorry but I’ve just had to swallow way too much of this crazy bitch’s bullshit (like this), so I was just like, “You know, if you’re so into peace, then why have you a-holes been fighting me for twenty-five friggin years over the word apple? It’s a friggin word. You don’t own it. Jesus. Honestly. And now you’re fighting me over the iTunes downloads. For Christ’s sake! It’s a distribution deal.” She starts telling me she doesn’t like my tone, and I’m just like, “Well, I’m sure you don’t like my tone, but I’m also sure that you do like money. Right? I mean, you sell a line of friggin John Lennon baby clothes and pacifiers. You think I believe for one second you’re not gonna agree to sell downloads of the catalog? I’ve got Paul and Ringo and George’s family already lined up, and they’re gonna out-vote you.” She says they can’t outvote her, all decisions have to be unanimous. At that point I described to her a few ways in which the other three could, um, eliminate the obstacle that stood between them and like a billion dollars in new revenue. She got the hint.

Bottom line: You’re gonna see Beatles downloads in the not-too-distant future. And Yoko will be all smiles and saying how great it is. Mark my words.