So Bono hitched a ride back to the West Coast with me on the JobsJet (and didn’t offer to help pay for gas, natch). He’s going on about how he can’t stand Al Gore’s wife. “You know what she did? Yer woman says she’s gonna be in Ireland this summer and she asks me can I get her in to meet Paddy Reilly. Jaysus. Have you ever heard Paddy fookin Reilly? The fookin fields of Athenry? Make you want to blow your fookin brains out. Steve, I’m a fookin northsider. We wouldn’t be caught dead listening to shite like Paddy Reilly. That’s what your gran in Wicklow listens to.”

Then he gets out his little miniature guitar that he travels with and he starts plinking away and trying to work on his big global warming song. But he gets all frustrated (and okay, by now he’s half drunk too) and finally he just whips the guitar across the plane and says, “Oh I fookin give up. I can’t write lyrics for shite Steve. Never could. It’s my one great weakness as an artist. That and not being able to read or write music. And not being able to sing very well.”

I told him maybe he should try playing a full-size guitar like ordinary grownups instead of his miniature mandolin or ukulele or whatever. He says I can fook off. Then he goes, “Look, Mr. Wise Ass, why don’t we toss this out to your readers on that stupid blog of yours eh? See what they can come up with? The whole user generated content thing right? And like whoever writes the best song gets to come backstage and meet the band and get an autograph or sumfin. Long as I get the copyright on the song I don’t care about fook-all else.”

Thus was born this week’s contest. Please help Bono come up with some words for his lame-ass global warming song. He says if you want to write the guitar chords and melody too, he’d be even more appreciative, as long as you keep it simple enough that The Edge can play it. Like mostly stuff with only the top two strings would be ideal. Furthermore, he says if you wanna go ahead and record a rough sample and post it online that’d be even better.

As I told Bono, this blog has just about the smartest and most talented readers on the Internet. So I’m sure we’ll come up with something amazing. At the very least I’m sure we’ll come up with a great song title. Peace out.