Check out this dude on the Wired web site who says he cries when he watches my keynotes. I love Wired. The magazine, I mean. It’s so cool to flip through the pages and look at all the crazy gadgets. And they have really cool headlines on the articles which are supposedly about all sorts of super-intellectual stuff like DNA and space travel and black holes and what have you. And they ask all these really super deep questions like “Who are we?” and “Where do we come from?” and “Is the universe expanding?” I don’t actually read the articles. At first it was because they ran the type in circles around the page, so you had to spin the magazine to read the article. Or they used all these different letter sizes and colors and typefaces, within the same word, so it was like reading a ransom note. Or they made the columns as wide as the entire page, so you hurt your eyes trying to keep up. But even when they went to regular old normal stories written in normal size columns with normal size type, I didn’t read them. Does anyone? They’re always terrible. But you just feel really smart after reading all those cool-looking headlines and pretending like you really care about all this deep brainiac stuff. Even though really the only reason you get the magazine is to look at the cool gadgets. That and the cool houses owned by rich techies with their super neato high tech gizmos. I have to admit, I love those. I really do. They’ve begged me like eight million times to take pictures of the Jobso Domicile. It’s way cooler than anything you’ve seen in Wired, but you’ll just have to take my word for that, cause no way am I letting people see my house. I’m all about the privacy. Totally.