I’ve just been informed by one of the lawyers who are doing the internal investigation (still, ugh) that my last blog post constitutes a “forward looking statement.” I’ve had it with these dudes. If I can’t brag about my own company, then there’s something wrong with this world. You know what I told him? I said, “Here’s another forward looking statement. I predict you’re going to dragged out of here by security guards and beaten like a circus monkey. Now please stop making sounds with your mouth because you are totally messing with my Zen and I need to stay focused today. Jesus. Where is my green tea? Would someone bring me a friggin green tea, at exactly one hundred and sixty five degrees Fahrenheit? And where’s my makeup person? And my colorist? Jesus friggin Christ what am I paying you people for? Does anyone have my turtleneck? And a backup in case the first one gets a spill on it? And a backup for the backup? Okay. Okay. Go to the still center, dude. Still center. Pond of water. Pond of water. Calm surface. Unbroken by waves. Ommmm. Ommmm.”

Dudes, I’m sorry, but I really don’t like lawyers. They have no sense of what this company is all about.