Goes like this. Did illegal activities occur? Yes. Was the current CEO in charge at the time of the illegal activities? Yes. Did the current CEO authorize said activities? Yes. And benefit from them? Yes. Therefore, the CEO is not responsible. And we think it’s best that he stick around and clean house. Makes sense, right? This is what we are working with the SEC and other government authorities on right now. Our position is, Look, we’ve already done the investigation for you, we got to the bottom of it, and at this point we’re really not in the mood to authorize you folks to do your own investigations since you’ll just be duplicating efforts. So here’s our report, make as many copies as you’d like, read it over the holiday break, and let’s move on with a fresh start in the new year and get back to making beautiful products that restore a sense of childlike wonder to people’s lives. Meanwhile would any of you nice lawyer types enjoy a brand new 24-inch iMac or a 30-inch Cinema HD display? Maybe our U2 model iPod personally signed by Bono himself? Lunch with Bono? Or Al Gore? Or maybe you just want to sit in my presence for 5 minutes and meditate together and feel my magic rub off on you? Just let us know. We want to work with you.

But I ain’t leaving, motherfriggers. Not without a fight. And if that’s the way you wanna roll, Katie Cotton and her team are still up in the guard towers, loaded and locked. So bring it on.