This is not good news for El Jobso

So Forrester says they did some study and found that iTunes transactions have declined by 58% in the past year. Of course they don’t know what to make of this. Not sure if it has occurred to them that maybe their survey is just all frigged up. After all, these were the same frigtards who were going around a few years ago saying how enormous all these different markets were going to be by the year 2010. How’d they figure this? They picked a percentage growth rate at random and applied it, year by year, into the future. For no good reason. Which resulted in predictions like this: “Forrester estimates the market for online pet food sales will reach $1.75 trillion by the year 2010.”

Anyway, look, this iTunes report is baloney. Sort of. I mean there’s a grain of truth. Whatever. Doesn’t matter. The real issue is that this is very bad news for me. Because I’m under tremendous pressure at Apple these days. I haven’t been blogging about it because it’s just too painful. Just know that Tim Cook and his little pals on the board are still out to get the Jobsmeister. They say it’s about the options stuff but come on. It’s a power play, pure and simple. If you think this Forrester report just magically happened on its own, think again. Hint: Guess which member of our board is pals with George Colony, the coin-operated head of Forrester. Yeah, this was paid for. Perhaps you’ve noticed the steady stream of what look like random bad news items about Apple over the past six months. If you wondered why companies spy on their board members, now you know. These assholes are treacherous. It’s not like some karate demo where they fight with wooden sticks. This is a friggin death match, with real knives.

But as I’ve said before, money talks and bullshit walks. I need to be putting up some big numbers for Q4 (that’s calendar Q4, for you pedants) or I’m gonna be in hot water. So iTunes is critical. So is the iPhone. And iTV. All of it. Hey, I’ve been here before, with my back against the wall. Heck, I’ve been down way worse than this. Just gotta pull another magical rabbit out of my hat. Usually I’d say no problem. But as I’ve explained before here on this blog, my mojo is having some intermittent funkiness lately. And I swear Tim has got guys in engineering who are working against me, dragging their heels, introducing bugs, trying to slow down these new products and frig me up. Warning to those dudes: If you shoot at the king, you’d better kill him. Allah bless you if I survive this coup and remain in charge. You’ll be off to meet your 72 virgins. Peace out and happy holidays.