Larry smokes way too much weed

Lot of people don’t know this but Larry really has a very silly and sometimes sick sense of humor. He totally loves to pull practical jokes and make prank phone calls. Especially when he’s blitzed. So yesterday I went over to his place. He’s brought back these incredible buds from Hawaii. Bright green, with bright red woven through, and totally sticky with resin. One bong hit and you’re wasted. Three and you see color trails. Five and you can’t talk. So we put on Tuvan throat singers and did three hits each and lay on massage tables looking at color trails while these Japanese ladies massaged our faces and feet. Incredible. Buzz lasted about an hour. We drank some miso soup and green tea to bring ourselves back down and then Larry starts making calls. First up, he calls a hardware store in the Castro and asks them if they have caulk. And do you have black caulk? he says. Is it thick? Will it get hard right away and stay hard? Okay, so you do have thick black caulk that will get really, really hard? Cause I need it hard. The guy at the store was totally playing along but finally he got sick of it and he’s like, Girlfriend, do you really think you’re the first moron who ever called here asking for caulk? Do you really think that’s original? And, by the way, Mr. Lawrence Ellison, you might want to turn off your caller ID before you make prank calls, okay? Have a nice day! But even that doesn’t stop Larry. He’s laughing so hard that he’s got tears coming down his face. He fiddles with the caller ID and calls a Thai restaurant in Mountain View and asks them if they have chicken satay, and does it come with penis sauce? What kind of penis? Is it Asian penis? What does the penis sauce taste like? It is salty? I mean he’s just baked and totally cracking himself up. Larry, you’re fun to hang out with, but I think you are getting stoned too much. Maybe you need a new challenge. I dunno. Take up karate. Or you could merge with Microsoft. Kidding.