Have you heard this? Apparently in some Iowa antitrust case against Microsoft some lawyers have dug up an old email from 2004 in which Jim Allchin, father of Vista, told Gates and Ballmer, “I would buy a Mac today if I was not working at Microsoft.” Jim, I feel your pain. But that’s no reason for you to go and just copy our friggin OS, add some bugs and defects, and call it Vista. Shame on you, freak. Anyhoo, we’re sending you a top of the line iMac for Christmas. And we’re building a new ad campaign around you. Maybe this: Hi, I’m a Mac. And I’m a PC, but I wish I were a Mac.

BTW, Allchin plans to retire next year. You’re welcome to come here to Apple, Jim. We won’t let you touch anything important but at least you could live the dream and stride the sacred hallways of Apple, inhale the musky man-scent of my greatness and imbibe the vibe of perfect Zen-balanced software development. Plus we’ve got a kick-ass cafeteria. Call me, girlfriend.