I mean, the friggin company is bleeding cash faster than Flavor Flav in a Vegas tittie bar, their costs are all out of whack, all of the big brains are long gone, they’re on corporate life support, and what they need most is a serious dose of belt-tightening and a sharp focus on AMD-based machines … so what do they do? They crank out this friggin monstrosity, which they claim customers are going to be lining up to buy. Project Blackbox, they call it. Project Frigtard would be a better name. Jesus. Now I know why John Doerr split. He can’t stand watching Schwartz steer the ship into a new iceberg every three months. Dude, this thing looks like a friggin Meals on Wheels truck for Christ’s sake. This photo doesn’t show it but there’s a Jordanian on the other side selling falafels out of a friggin window. And I’m pretty sure that’s a soft drink dispenser at the far left. Man oh man. I mean, okay, this would be a fun idea if you were a booming company throwing off lots of cash, a place where engineers could just let their imaginations run wild. You know, like Sun, circa 1999. Oh wait. I get it. This must be that “big friggin Webtone switch” that Scooter was always ranting about. Maybe they found it sitting out in a building someplace and dusted it off. It’ll look great in the Sun display at the Computer Museum alongside all their other great ideas, like paying a bazillion dollars for Star Office and half a bazillion for Cobalt.

Ponytail Boy, you need to have your head examined. But I love you, man. I do. You’re always good for a laugh. Peace out.