Groan


So Bono calls to talk about his AIDS thing, and as we’re talking he lets slip that he was one of the finalists for the Nobel prize this year. So of course I try to be all positive and happy for him, but inside I’m just totally dying, my stomach is just in knots. I mean, come on! Friggin Bono? He makes the short list and I’m still out here pounding my pud? WTF, right? And he goes, Yeah, do me a favor and don’t tell anyone about it, nobody knows, I haven’t told anyone except The Edge, and he won’t tell anyone, Christ he didn’t even know what the fookin prize was, he thought it was something from MTV, but yeah, it was me and Cindy Sheehan and Ahmadinejad up for the peace prize. I go, Ahmadinejad? Is he the microloan dude? Bono goes, Naw, man, he’s the shah of Iran. I go, Wait, I thought he died like a long time ago or something. Bono says, Nah, he’s the new shah, the one they just elected last year. He’s totally all about bringing peace to the region and all, and I mean he’s totally first-rate. Me and Geldof had lunch with him a while back, and he’s just totally kewl. I go, So who’s the guy making tiny loans to poor people, like the guy who won, like what’s his name? Bono goes, Fook if I know, and man, I’ll tell ya, if I’d known all you had to do to win the Nobel Peace Prize was go around handing out ten-dollar bills or whatever, I mean, shite, anyone could do that right? Fookin hell. Can’t do it now, though, cause it’s been done. Gotta think of something else. I go, Well maybe this AIDS thing will do it, but he says, Yeah, you know, I was thinking about that, but like, keepin em alive ain’t gonna do nothing fer peace is it? I mean it’s just more of the fookers who can chop each other to bits with fookin machetes. I dunno. Well, we’ll keep thinkin about it. And like you say, brother, Peace. Pay it forward. Peace.