Greenpeace: The Story Behind the Story

Let me fill you in on how Greenpeace operates. Here’s what they original asked us. They approached us about a year ago and wanted to give us some big lifetime achievement award and do all this joint advertising with us. We had their director and all these other bad-smelling European people right here in Cupertino working with our marketing folks, telling us we were like the greatest company in the world.

But then the issue of money came up. Turned out they wanted us to pay for the whole thing. Like, buy an award from them. Which in itself is no big deal, Gartner and IDC do this all the time.

But with Greenpeace the amount of money was just ridiculous. It was like 10% of our revenues. Basically, a Greenpeace tax on Apple’s business. I told them look, if you’re gonna run a shakedown, at least be fair. Parasite can’t destroy the host, it’s basic biology. But they wouldn’t budge. They’re Europeans after all. Look what they’ve done to their own companies. Sucked them dry with taxes. Now there’s nothing left over there so they’re looking to the States and shaking us down instead.

So I told them to shove it up their bunghole. Next thing I know, instead of getting some big Greenpeace award, they tell us they’re launching this anti-Apple website to tell the world how evil we are.

About a month ago, when they finally had the website put together, they sent us a prototype and gave us one last chance to pay up. If we did, they wouldn’t launch the website. We told them we couldn’t afford to just slice away 10% of revenues. So up goes the website.

Folks, just letting you know how these a-holes operate, so you can make up your own minds.