Sumner Redstone just called to fire me

I’m not kidding. The dude is 83 years young and totally losing his marbles. First he canned Tom Cruise. Now he’s tossed out Tom Freston, six weeks after saying he wouldn’t ever fire Tom Freston. Hello, people close to this guy? Is the resemblance to Ronald Reagan in his later years still not registering with you? Just now — I’m not kidding — my new Apple smart phone rang and it was Sumner Redstone and he goes, Steve Jobs? Mr. Steve Jobs? This is Sumner Redstone! You’re fired! That’s it! You’re out! Clean out your desk and leave by noon! I go, Sumner, I don’t work for you. I’m at Disney. He starts shouting, Don’t give me any lip, bub! You’re fired! You hear me? Clean out your desk!

I go Sumner, Are you okay? He goes, Sure I am. I eat my own poop.

Then in the background I hear Shari going, Daddy, what are you doing? Oh Christ almighty. He’s got the phone. Daddy, put down the phone. Jesus Christ, who left the fucking phone in his room? Juanita, would you get in here please? Right away? Christ almighty.