Poor old dinosaur Bob Seger thinks he’s doing us a big favor by finally agreeing to sign on with iTunes and join the rest of the world in the 21st century, it says here. Ditto for the apetards in Metallica and the highly derivative yet completely unlistenable Red Hot Chili Peppers. Talk about egos on these bozos. What really cracks me up is that Seger wants to protect his “artistic integrity” by forcing people to download his whole album instead of just the one or two good songs. Dude, get a grip. You’re Bob Seger, remember? Not Pete Seeger. Nobody has bought one of your albums in like ten years. I don’t know for sure what finally got Seger to cave in. Word is he needs money for hip replacement surgery. But we still had to bring him in and kiss his ass and pretend he’s some bigshot. We even hired a few fake news photographers to shoot pictures as if this were some kind of big publicity event. Hilarious.

I’ll tell you something. The ones I really want, I’ll be honest, are the Beatles and Zeppelin. But the Beatles are still pissed about the lawsuit, and McCartney’s got his hands full getting rid of his pegleg pirate wife. Friggin Jimmy Page won’t even return my calls. Goddamn devil worshipper.