Look, I’m no good with numbers

Never have been. Everybody knows that. My last math class was like in the eleventh grade and I got a C. And maybe you don’t know this but I didn’t exactly study business or finance. I’m not some MBA, okay? So this options crap is such a pain in my butt and I don’t have time for it. But I know the Apple faithful want answers and it’s times like these when the cult leader has to reassure the flock, not just lock everybody up in a house like David Koresh and wait for the government to show up with flamethrowers and burn us out, though honestly, if you ever met any of these dicks from the SEC, you’d almost want to do that. So look. Here’s the deal. I didn’t even know I had these options or whatever. Then apparently I gave them back and got some restricted stock or something. Who knows? All I know is what our PR people tell me and what I read in the friggin Wall Street Journal, which by the way, we totally did NOT authorize that story this morning, and the a-holes just went ahead and just printed it anyway, just did whatever they wanted. Pisses me off sooo much, I’m serious. And this backdating stuff? I mean what the frig? I don’t even know what that means. I have no idea and I don’t want to know. Ask anyone, I’m not into material stuff. I’m up here in the Jobs Pod, barefoot, lying on the floor with a leather-bound sketchbook and a glass of carrot juice listening to Lothar and the Hand People on my iPod Hi-Fi which totally replaced a really expensive stereo system and you can’t even tell the difference, it’s that good, and for only $349. The thing is, I don’t care about money. Ask anybody who’s ever done business with me. I’m always the guy who gets screwed. I’ve played poker like twice and got killed. It’s just not who I am. I’m all about the creativity. I’m into making beautiful objects. I’m a pop artist. Like Andy Warhol. You think people ever hassled Andy Warhol about friggin stock options? Sheesh. Really. I told this new outside lawyer, Do whatever you want, but leave me out of it. Totally. I’ve got a friggin keynote in three days. I’m trying to create amazing machines that restore a sense of childlike wonder to people’s lives. And now this crap. Whatever.