Sunday, November 1, 2009

It’s not a bug, it’s a reminder

Maybe you’ve seen people blogging and complaining in our forums that their Macs went a little bit bonkers last night, with CPU usage shooting to 90% due to what some were calling a “daylight savings time bug” in Snow Leopard. Um, no. People, we put it there to call your attention to the time change. And it worked, didn’t it? Right after you saw your beloved Mac going fucktarded on you, you remembered the time change and set about changing your clocks. See, it’s our attention to those little details that sets us apart. Peace.

I hate Halloween, but fair enough, these guys made me smile

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Borg trolls are planting false complaints on our user forum

Check out this forum and look for the fake shit that Borgtarded trolls are planting there:

Cannot install – I’ve never had issues like this with trying to install anything else. My next attempt will be to make a disc image of the installer and try it from there, but this is ridiculous. I’m not about to wipe the machine; I have over 100GB of applications I’d have to reinstall, which typically takes me a few days to do (w/all of the updates & finding serials, etc.).

Problem upgrading – I have seen suggestions about clean installs, restoring, cloning HD then re-installing, etc… I would love to stay with this OS but need it to work, so would a clean install do the trick? If so, how do I do a “clean install”?

Slow after install – Since I upgraded it has been so sluggish. I never had any problems and it was so quick until I upgraded to snow. Has anyone experienced the same problem and does anyone have any answers?

Upgrade causing crashes – The first install the system was freezing up and I couldn’t get the printer to work. Internet was intermittent and slow as was the whole system and couldn’t get my media player to work. Then the system hung up at the log in screen and went into a loop back to the log in screen effectively making my PC inoperable.

Worst Upgrade Ever! – “The Installer encountered an error that caused the installation to fail. Contact the manufacturer for assistance.”….. and now its empty with no OS…

Installed and now EVERY app is crashing – EVERY TIME I try to attach a file, Mail crashes. This is so awful. I am having problems with EVERY application I open. Firefox crashes when I try to download a file. Adobe Indesign CS3 crashes when I try to re-link or even place an image. Adobe Acrobat crashes when I try to make a multi page pdf, etc, etc… Makes me wonder if they tested this upgrade on any computers at all. When do we get an update – or do I have to un-install and go back?

Seriously, Borg, do you have no shame? Everyone knows there are NO problems with the upgrade to Snow Leopard. It’s been the most successful software upgrade ever. No glitches. No hiccups. Put in the disk, and everything just works. Anyone who says otherwise is lying.

Confession: I do not like cats

A lot of people don’t know this, but it’s true. I really, really cannot stand them. I’m not allergic. I just don’t like them. I don’t like the way they look at you. Or the way they spring up on stuff. Or the way they smell. I can’t go into someone’s house if they have cats. In some cases I can’t even be around people at work who have cats at home, because I can smell the cat smell on them.

Dogs I’m not crazy about either. Basically I don’t want any kind of animal in my house or hanging out with me. Gerbils, hamsters, whatever. Not even fish. But cats? Cats are on a whole different level. Every time I see one of these stories about cats taking over a house, or some old crazy lady with 100 cats in her house, I almost want to vomit.

There. I said it.

Dear RIM: Please put your trays in the locked, upright position. Then put your head between your knees and kiss your ass goodbye

The way we see it, if they were going to come up with something that could compete with the iPhone, they would have done it by now, right? Not saying they’re going to die. They’re too big and too established to die. Instead, they’ll dwindle. The latest market research shows it’s already happening.

Some outfit called ChangeWave does a quarterly smartphone survey, and the latest one is great news for us and devastating for everyone else. Check out the chart on who owns which smartphone:

So, okay. RIM is ahead of us. But look at the trend lines and ask yourself, who would you rather be? Yeah. Me too.

Then check out the chart on the growth in smartphones in general:

Again, follow the trend line. More than one-third of the people surveyed now own a smartphone, and it’s only going up from here. Eventually we get to a place where pretty much everyone has a smartphone — where we don’t even call them “smartphones” anymore, because every phone is a smartphone, so they’re just phones.

Thing is, we saw this market coming, and got in just as the wave was curling up and getting huge. And now we are so far ahead of everyone in this space that it’s not even funny. Sure, RIM has a great business — a great legacy business. They’ll milk it, and play defense, and protect their enterprise position. Fine. We’ll grow up all around them and dwarf them. They’re gone. They’re history.

So is Nokia, by the way. Which is why they’re suing us. Notice the timing of that lawsuit? Just days after they announce a lousy quarter where they lose six points of market share and post a net loss.

They’re both history. They’re stuck with obsolete software platforms, and they’ll never catch up. WinMo, same boat. Palm WebOS? Too late for them. Android? Too much fragmentation. No, friends, the game is ours to lose. Of course that was the case back in the 1980s with personal computers, and we managed to screw the pooch that time. But now we’ve learned from our mistakes. We have, really. This time there is no stopping us.

Monday, October 19, 2009


RIM came up short in its most recent quarter. Nokia lost money on a 20% decline in sales and six-point drop in smartphone market share. Meanwhile our earnings are up 47% on record sales of Macs and iPhones. And friends, we are only getting started. Peace out. I’m going to go outside and do donuts in the parking lot.

We’re going to have news tomorrow

Can’t tell you what, obviously. But there’s something brewing. Gruber doesn’t know about it, but the people we care about are being briefed in advance. Stay close to your Mac or iPhone, and have your credit card ready.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Cartoon of the day

In an alternative reality, iPhones become sentient and try to destroy the world. Original version is here. Namaste to dear friend Faddah for the tip.

Philip Elmer-DeWitt wants to marry me and have my semi-divine babies

How else to explain this article where he wonders if maybe I’m more popular than Jesus? And puts up the chart from Google Insights that you see above?

For what it’s worth, I’ve never suggested that I’m more popular than Jesus. More important? Certainly. More influential? Sure. Smarter, even? I don’t know, because did Jesus take the SATs? And if so, what did he get? I had a pair of 800s, so the best the Son of God could do would be a tie, and then we’re back to square one again.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

"Love Vibes" iPhone app rates your performance in bed

Katie says this is a hoax. I’m not so sure. I’ve heard Michael Arrington has been using it and putting up record scores. (He’s using the solo version.)