Catch up with all the latest aftershocks at xkcd

They’re now going to feature “Top tweets” on their home page.  Ashton Kutcher is probably going bananas at the very thought. CNN has the info here, and the company boilerplate press release is over here.

I'm not related to Jeremy Piven nor Matt Frewer, okay?

When Steve Jobs  speaks, people and markets listen. When Larry Ellison speaks, markets and vaginae perk up. When Steve Ballmer opens his yap, people break out the YouTube  mash-ups and create a new Internet comedy sensation. You see where I’m going with this? Before Evan Williams opened his mouth, the whole Twitterverse were ready to confer on him Jobs-like adoration and status. Who knew this guy could be such a drag? Ev-boy, here, essentially founded the crack cocaine of the Internet (can someone please tell me how Twitter is making money, apart from shaking down angel investors?) and, until he opened his mouth this afternoon at SXSWi, die-hard twit-heads stood around the block waiting to hear his grand plan for their thumb-eye-brain addiction. When he started droning about the new @anywhere service, everyone collectively shrugged their shoulders, mumbled something akin to, “that’s it?” and quietly stole out of the auditorium and twitted what a douche to the rest of the Twitternet. To get an idea of what happened here is a great comparision courtesy of The Flintstones:

I rest my case! here’s some ripping tweets from the event below

twittards ripping their own fearless leader

The money quote from Nick Saint from Silicon Valley Insider:

Remember Sarah Lacy’s horrible interview keynote with Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg in 2008? This was worse!

From the good people at eSarcasm.

And of course, there’s that pesky problem of device storage.

Way down under.  As in Antarctica. Our favorite ex-Chief Software Architect is on vaca, and decided to Tweet his Peeps. (Is that expression too much hipster doofus slang?)

Up to 140 characters worth of  in-depth, thought-provoking social discourse from such intellectual giants as Khloe Kardashian.  With such incisive commentary, she should be on 60 Minutes.  Or something.

We’ve all seen it.  Oops, we’re over capacity or some such nonsense.  You want to Tweet badly..and the Fail Whale nails you.  But what does the Fail Whale really mean?  Glad you asked, pardner.

Sting wrote something like that, but he wasn’t thinking of shoes that tweet.  According to this site, “A sensor embedded under the sole detects when the wearer is walking. This information is sent via blooetooth to a mobile phone that makes the postings on Twitter.” (Yes, that’s how they spelled it.)

Huffington Post says “The sneakers are intended to criticize the “massive amount of useless information that is spread over (Twitter)” by “posting literally every step you take in real life.”

Well, they got that part right.

This is a relief. What else could we have done? Anyway, the International Olympic Committee, a bunch of old men with a lot of money, have decided that, well, it’s darned OK for the athletes competing in the Winter Olympics to go ahead and Tweet to their hearts content. The fun starts in one week, and you can click below to take a quicky tour of the Olympic Village. Meanwhile, if you want to crank up some Olympic tunes, here’s the place to click. (Link opens iTunes, natch.) Or just go for the gold with the best Olympic instrumental this side of John Williams, c/o my pal David Foster.