Tuesday, August 18, 2009

New site lets you add Eric Schmidt to any photo

It’s called Squirrelizer. Started when some people went on vacation and tried to take a photo of themselves and a squirrel popped up in front of the camera. See a story about it here. Now some dickheads in England have created a tool that lets you put that same little Eric Schmidt into any photo you want. Iulia and Natasha used it to create this wonderful photo of PR flack Marcy Simon feigning orgasm as she spots her cute little multi-billionaire friend. (It’s a Pavlovian response; all flacks have it. Put money in front of them and they just start moaning.) Captions wanted.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Watch out Squirrel Boy

Squirrel Boy and his merry band of wunderkind heaved a sigh of relief when the analtards at Comscore reported a 20 percent increase in paid ad clicks for April. But as another reporter astutely noted that (and my people know I throw around compliments like manhole covers) the data here seems um, thin.

“Problem is, it’s all sort of a crock. What sort of significance does comScore data really have? Not much, as far as we can tell.”

I like the Googletards. They’re so young and energetic and all, but someday someone’s going to realize that,umm, no one’s really clicking. I never click. Do you click? In a word, no.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Squirrel Boy is feeling scared

Sure, he won’t admit it. But he is. We’re taking a workout class together — it’s a combination of Pilates, sweat yoga, meditation and karmic journeywork — and last night, when we were in the locker room, he was talking a bit about Google missing its numbers in this recent quarter. He was saying that it’s all overblown and everybody is looking for some significance that isn’t there. Tells me he had some really rough call with some obnoxious sell-side analyst who covers Google. The guy kept saying that this was the first sign of Microsoft gaining some traction in online advertising, encroaching on Google’s turf. Eric told the analyst flat out that this simply isn’t true, but the analyst just kept on drilling him, saying the new competition is forcing Google to lower some of its prices and work a little harder. Guy keeps saying to Eric that this is how it goes with Microsoft, that at first you laugh at them, and deservedly so, since they’re so clumsy and stupid and rough around the edges. But the one thing about the Borg is they don’t give up. They’ve got a lot of money, and they’re very patient and very persistent. They keep pushing and pushing and pushing. They study you. They copy you. They wait for you to make a mistake. They look for your weak spots, and when they find one, they start pressing and pressing. Eventually they get their hooks into you, and it starts to wear you down. Not in a big way. Just a little tear at first, way out at the edge of your fabric, so slight you almost don’t notice it.

I don’t know if this is true or not. But I don’t think this matters. As I told Eric, the significant thing is that this is what the Wall Street guys are saying. This is the perception that Google will need to counter. Squirrel Boy says the Wall Street guys are all smoking crack and that Google is invincible and no way is Microsoft gaining any traction. But there was something about the way he said it — this weird look in his eyes, as if maybe he didn’t really believe it. Or maybe he was just wiped from the yoga. This new instructor, Aimee, really works us hard.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Squirrel Boy gets his turn in the clown chair

Well the backlash against Google has finally begun. See here. And all it took was a tiny miss on growth estimate that, let’s face it, the Wall Street guys had pulled out of their butts anyway. However, it doesn’t matter. Google missed and now the wolves will be all over Google about everything. The hypocrisy of “Don’t be evil” while you are being evil in China. Spying on customers, invading privacy, cheating book authors, screwing poor saps who sign up for AdSense. Google as Big Brother. Google as monopolist. All these stupid investments in new businesses that aren’t paying out. YouTube for a billion and a half? What the frig were you thinking? All these apps in the cloud that aren’t making money. Google this, Google that, everything in perpetual beta, nothing ever finished and done and working 100% right. They’re going to look like a bunch of spoiled coddled self-involved Lego-playing 20-somethings who have free massages and dry cleaning and groovy ethnic food and have been turned loose with no adult supervision to do whatever the fuck they want, and who all are suffering from acute Attention Deficit Disorder so that they never finish anything because they get bored and move on to the next stupid idea that some bozo has dreamed up on a white board. You know why they’re going to look like that? Because that’s what they are. Yes, there are smart people at Google. Smarts are about one tenth of what makes a business work. The rest is just shitty stuff like dealing with customers and partners and fixing bugs and reworking code and doing all sorts of lousy grunt work — stuff the little whiz kids don’t want to get their hands dirty on. And stuff that Squirrel Boy, quite frankly, has never been too good at either. Sun? Novell? Heard of them?

Oh, it’s all fun and games when you’re on the way up. Now is when it’s going to get ugly. Squirrel Boy, I feel your pain. Sort of.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Squirrel Boy video

The guy who made the My Little Pony tribute video has now created a video tribute to Squirrel Boy. Much love, Jon. But I warn you. You are going to hell.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

I love Google Street View

Squirrel Boy keeps sending me over shots like this. Jon Ive and I are just sitting here scanning through sites like this looking for stuff to check out. And this article has some good tips. If you find anything good, send it in. Bokay?

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Squirrel Boy begs to differ

So Eric calls me up all pissed off and tells me I’m suffering from a massive case of recto-cranial inversion on this Internet content thing. He says he’s the king of the Internet and that I’m a dope for calling all these new Internet-only shows “the Special Olympics version of real TV.” He says go back and look at the early days of cable, and the stuff that was running then. Same phenomenon happening now on the Internet, he says. Eric also says I’m a chump and a whore for trying to play nice with the Hollywood guys instead of doing battle with them the way Google is doing. And just like the anonymous poster, Eric says the real power of the Internet lies in its ability to give regular folks the tools for doing their own TV, and that this is where the really amazing stuff is going to come from. Which is why he bought YouTube.

Well, I don’t know. I’ve never been wrong before but there’s always a first time. So I told him that in the spirit of audience participation I would turn this over to my blog readers. Tell me: Is there anything on the Internet that’s as good as TV or even better? What’s the best stuff out there? What are the hidden gems? I must admit, I’m so busy up in the JobsPod trying to design beautiful devices that restore a sense of childlike wonder to people’s lives that I don’t have time to keep up with all these Internet TV shows.

Note: We’re only talking about video here. Send along links and we’ll post the good ones. Much love.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Another Google beauty

Sent in by a reader named Ken. Much love, brother.